~Did you hear about the Chinese
couple that had a retarded baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong.
~Jack comes home from school
with a great big smile on his face.
His mom asks him, "Why
was he so happy?"
Jack replies, "I just
had sex today!"
Well this does not
sit well with mom, she immediately begins shouting at Jck, telling him at 14 he has no business having sex!
She tells him to go
to his room and to wait for his dad to come home. When dad finally arrives, mom fills him in. She asks him to go upstairs
and to
have a chat with Jack.
He knocks on the door
and proceeds to go in.
"Hey Jack, your mom
tells me you had sex today?"
"Yes," replies Jack
sadly.
Dad looks around the
room and whispers to him, "Hey, way to go, son! Your Dad is very, very proud. But if your mom asks what we talked about just
tell her it was guy stuff."
The next day, dad shares
the news with all his co workers, bragging that at the age of 14 his son is a man!
When dad goes home
that night, he kisses his wife and runs straight upstairs to see Jack. "Hey Jack! Did you have sex today again, son?"
Jack replies "No dad...my ass still hurts from yesterday."
~What do you call a lesbian with big fingers? Well-endowned
~One day an old lady walked into the doctors office. She said, "Doctor, I have a farting problem.
I fart all
the
time. They don't smell, and they are silent. They don't even bother me!
In
fact, I have farted 20 times since I entered this room, and you didn't even know! "Do you have a diagnosis?" The doctor gave
the little old lady some pills and sent her on her way.
The
little old lady came back to the doctor's office a week later, and said, "Doctor! What pills did you give me? Now when I fart,
they stink!"
The doctor says, "Great, now that we've
got your sinuses cleared up, let's work on your hearing."
~A woman walks into a supermarket and buys:
1
bar of soap
1 toothbrush
1 tube of toothpaste
1 loaf of bread
1 litre of milk
1 single serving of cereal
1
single serving frozen dinner
1 can of Soup For One
1 750ml bottle of wine
The
bloke at the checkout looks at her and says, "Single, are you?"
The
woman smiles sweetly and replies, "How did you guess?"
He replies, "Because you're f*cking
ugly."
~1. 1. The Ghost Poo
The kind of poo where you feel it come out and you know you have done it but when it comes to wipe there's nothing
on the toilet paper and there is no poo in the toilet...Where does it go?
2. 2. The Clean Poo
The sort of poo which is so smooth and streamlined that it virtually falls out of your bottom. You can see it in the
toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
3. 3. The Hot-Tar Poo
The kind of poo that even after 50 wipes you are still getting staining on the paper, so you have to put some bog role
between your bum cheeks and in your underwear to prevent skid-marks.
4. 4. The Second-Thoughts Poo
Just as you think you have finished your poo and have painstakingly wiped yourself clean and pulled
your pants to the knee, you realise there is still more poo to come.
5. 5. The Lincoln Log Poo
The kind of poo that is so huge you're afraid that it will not flush down the toilet unless you break
it up into little pieces with a stick. This poo only happens at someone else's house.
6. 6. The Sweetcorn Poo
Self explanatory
7. 7. The Wish I Could Poo Poo
You really feel as if you need to poo but every time you try, all you manage is a couple of farts.
8. 8. The Fisherman's Bobber or Floating Poo
You do your poo and flush several times but there are still several fun size peices
above the waterline.
9. 9. The Sidebirth (or the Boo Hoo) Poo
This poo hurts so much that you swear its coming out sideways - your eyes water and you will probably
need stitches after it.
